She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
