this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
