Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
