I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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