turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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