I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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