Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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