this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
