No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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