apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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