it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
kristin has been a bad kristin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
