come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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