From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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