Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
