I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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