Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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