i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize