it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize