So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
