i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
