she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
