I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
