He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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