My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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