I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
