After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
