So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
