You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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