My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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