You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
