Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
