Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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