I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
