Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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