I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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