Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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