hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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