Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
