He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
