if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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