If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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