The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
