I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
