so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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