hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
