She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
