If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we made out on top of his cat.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
