Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
