I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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