she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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