Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
