that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
