That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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