Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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