Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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