but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
