His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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