he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
