So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
