I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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