Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
