I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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